Ever since COVID 19 entered Indonesia, I was always aware of the health protocols. I didn’t even go out, unless for groceries shopping. My dad’s funeral in early April 2020 was also for immediate family only. I only visited my sister’s house like once a month. Her family also never leave the house, except for my brother-in-law who did swab test every now and then as protocol from his office. I’m always comfortable being at home. During that time, I enjoyed playing online games like Sky, we cut our hair at home. I went out to outdoor area and always keep distance to other people. I was conscious enough about COVID 19 and the pandemic. I know that I still live with my mom who is an elder. I went on staycations (trying out hotels in Jakarta using the promos) like once a month and everything went well. None of my family or everyone I come in contact had COVID.
All went well until I received a very shocking and sad news, that my best friend since college was in coma. It was about a week after Lala given a birth. I didn’t visited them because I’m afraid that I will bring virus. So I sent only Whatsapp message, checking their updates on Instagram. I was working on my laptop when I started received a Whatsapp message saying please pray for Lala because she is in coma in a hospital. Nami texted me asking if I had heard, I was in shock because I thought everything was okay with Lala and the baby. Nami called me and explained about her condition. I cried. I immediately wanted to go to the hospital. During the PSBB, I always tried to avoid going to the hospital. At that time, strangely, I thought about “it’s okay if I ended up getting COVID, I will be there for her”. It’s like somehow I knew. So I went to the hospital, stayed there for a couple of hours, until Lala left the world. We all cried. Family and friends. I couldn’t sleep and cried hard. The next day, I went to her funeral and there were a lot of people. She is so loved that everyone probably think that we should be there for her. I did the protocols, I wore mask, sanitised my hands, but maybe because I was crying and touched my face, I may had the virus. I went home after, didn’t go out at all, I cried and cried.
The next week, I started to feel sore throat (but I also felt that last week) so I thought it was only sore throat, but then I felt fever, I could only stayed in bed. The next day, I felt better but I had cough. I decided to take Antigen swab home service, and it’s positive. To make sure, I went to get the test with my mom and Mel who had contact with me during that week, they both started to feel the same symptoms. So we did the PCR test and all of us are positive. We did self quarantined, consulted to doctor via Halodoc app, and had the medicine prescribed. Trying to boost our immune system, eat healthy, get sunlight, drink vitamins. During the first week of quarantine, we had anosmia, sometimes chest pain, diarrhea, fatigue, my neck lymph nodes were swollen, I had sinus every now and then. But we kept measuring our Oxygen level, trying to stay calm and happy, praying. It’s very easy to get our mind to think the worst case scenario because so much that we don’t know about COVID 19, how it acts different to each person.
By the grace of God, we eventually got better. After about 20 days, we did another PCR, Mom and Mel were already had negative result, while I still got positive with CT around 29, and a week after it was still CT 31. I had a mini breakdown because I’m afraid that we will have long covid and I felt guilty because I was thought I was the one that gave it to them. It was stressful, but I finally gathered the courage to be okay, to stay strong. Until I read an Instagram post from Dr. Ning that said that we don’t have to be obsessed with negative results. It’s the symptoms that we should cure. After self quarantine for more than 14 days, it should be okay, because even PCR can’t detect if the virus is active or not. It gave me so much comfort.
While I still be cautious about it, we ended our quarantine. 2 months after, I can visit my family again. I looked back and I think it’s stress that made my immune so low, the virus won and taken over, and Mom and Mel might be in close contact with me, being in the same room and eating together so they got it as well. Plus we are all blood type A. Alas.
We survived COVID 19, pray that we won’t have long covid symptoms. I realised that health is really the most important thing. Health of my family and close friends. That experience taught me a lot that I’m not in control and never was. I learnt to surrender. To pray. I need God. I need peace of God. I’m nothing but God’s creation and God has full control over our lives. Stay safe, healthy, happy! The last one is important, happiness is a medicine that will keep us healthy (and the health protocols!!!!!!!).
